Finding Confidence in an Insecure World

I’m not trying to lose weight anymore, although the plan I have now is keeping me on that path. That sounds crazy right? Everybody and their mother are trying to lose weight and find ways to make themselves more appealing, especially now during bikini season 🌊 but here’s the thing—I was so obsessed with being as small as possible for so much of my life, that I just can’t handle that kind of pressure anymore. From 16-20 I was deep in a destructive eating disorder, with a terrible relationship with food. I would hate myself for eating anything, really, and would spend hours walking or doing body weight exercises or twitching to burn off everything I put into my mouth. Do you know how silly you look tapping your toes and chewing gum constantly for the extra 20 calories burned a day? Spoiler:pretty friggin’ ridiculous. I have goals, don’t get me wrong! I want to look a certain way and feel strong and sexy and confident etc, but I have to do it my way. I’ve focused the last few years of my life on learning to love who I am in all my glory, stretch marks, mini breakdowns, and craziness so I can be my best self for me and my family. So instead of obsessing over every little thing, this is what I’m doing to feel confident and sexy in my own skin. 

1. I have a flexible meal plan — sounds counterproductive right? I never thought these kinds of things did anybody any good. Like it was an excuse to eat what you want and say it was in your plan. Or maybe it was because I had spent so long eating 800-1200 calories a day I just didn’t believe in flexibility;I ate the same things every day because I knew exactly how many calories were there and I felt satisfied enough to stick with those things.  Fast forward and I’m on a flexible (how many times can I say it in this paragraph?) 1800-2100cals a day. I know how many servings of what food groups I need to have, but I can be flexible in my approach and switch up what I’m filling those servings with everyday. Carb load hamburger and fries for lunch? Maybe a gigantic chicken salad for dinner with Italian vinaigrette! Pasta planned for dinner? Protein packed breakfast and lunch then! You see what I mean? Planned enough to see results but flexible enough I don’t feel restricted and suffocated. Oh, and if I feel like a need a cupcake or chocolate or milkshake or maybe tacos when I know I’ve had all my carbs for the day-I don’t sweat it. I enjoy myself and know that I can still look the way I want and continue with my plans, NO BIG DEAL!   I have what I want in moderation but I never want to limit myself like that again. For proof of my moderation, check out my IG page(@samminormanfit) pizza and ice cream and veggies galore! This was my hardest lesson, but I’ve learned that food is not the enemy and it is not strong enough to dictate how I live my life. 
2. I actually enjoy my workouts—I’ve never been super opposed to exercise, but I despise doing things that I don’t want to do. I haaaaaaated gym class. BAD. To be fair I was the fat kid which made it bad enough, but all I wanted to do was play volleyball or basketball or fun things, not run a mile and square dance or learn skills that I really didn’t (still don’t) need. It’s also why I turned to walking when I got into my eating disorder—it’s calming to me, so I didn’t mind walking 3, 4, 5 miles a day. Of course I’ve grown and changed and so my has my taste in workouts! I usually don’t stick to one specific type for long, but I enjoy lifting weights and strength training, with HIIT, MMA style training, and some weeks I combine them all;I do what feels good! I’ve also found a way to workout at home which is a big deal for me #homebody I stream them from my phone or iPad after I take my preworkout in the morning and get down in my living room. I also really love this particular app because it comes with meal plans, recipes, food lists, etc which is super helpful! And that’s how I stay consistent, I do what keeps me interested and happy, so I keep doing it. If you want to try the streaming workouts I do, check them out here for USA(links for U.K. and Canada below!)—you can get yourself a free 14 day trial and do them with me! {Canada link here ; UK link here}

1. I let that shiz GO— personal development is usually for mental growth which is 100% true and awesome, but when your mind is healthy, your body follows boo! My personal fave PD book(and the one that helped the most with my mindset!) has been this one—‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck’ which is not exactly as it sounds. You should really read the whole thing for the full effect but in short, it’s about expending your energy only on things that really matter to you, and things that really matter to you might not really matter to me, and that’s okay! Be YOU. Do YOU. Finding my inner voice and being comfortable with who I am inside made it so much easier to take care of my outside. And believe me, I know how crazy that sounds, (I made fun of people like me before but I secretly wanted to be like them) but it’s because it’s one of those things you don’t understand until you do it for yourself. Seriously girl, get the book! 

But keep in mind, this is not an overnight thing! But it is fully possible to find your confidence, rock your attitude, and look the way you want without obsessing. I’m living proof! I would love to hear what helped you find your confidence in this world of constant insecurities + doubt, or if you have a fave personal development book, drop it in the comments so I can check it out!

All my love, Sammi ❤️